Hey there…It’s been just a little over 3 years since we had our last conversation on Facebook. Remember the days when we used to talk on the phone, or in person when I opened up my home to you, or when you came to my Force 1 wrestling shows? We’re far away from that, aren’t we?
Do you remember how we met on Dimensions? It was a simple message from me to you about a post you’d made, and how I was upset that the harpies were jumping all over you. We talked a bit, and by 2007 we’d become “friends”. I did my best to be a good friend to you over the 4+ years we hung out.
For a good part of the time, I considered you a friend, but as you gave to me, I gave back. Case in point…..when you worked security at the wrestling shows, I talked with Cairo about developing a character for you, whether it be as a wrestler (even offering you free training & the use of my house to stay over on the weekends you trained), a manager, or commentator. Even after I quit F1, I told you that you were welcome to continue working for them, if you felt it could help you break into the business. That was out of friendship.
So, was it out of friendship in 2008 that you’d known for well over 4 months that my wife was cheating on me, and didn’t feel a want or need to tell me? I guess that was out of friendship too. I guess that’s why I found out via an e-mail from another person who disliked my ex, and wanted to out her? I also guess that’s why your former girlfriend from “up north” was able to corroborate this weeks before you did. Remember how you tap danced around answering my question about why you neglected to tell me about that?
In spite of that, I chose to forgive you, and move on. That’s what I do. That’s why I still have ex-girlfriends, & fiance’s on my social media pages. In some cases I screwed up things, and admitted that to them. My ego isn’t so large (like someone else we know), who would rather lie and cause the other person to think it was THEM rather than the real source of the problem.
That said, you could never do that. Somehow, both you and your “other” ex from down south both felt like I’d somehow betrayed your trust that July 4th weekend in 2008 when you were a guest at my home for a barbecue, and stayed as a guest at a hotel, the same hotel that a web model who was also invited to was staying at. I didn’t think anything went on between you, but the girl you were involved with at the time did, and any talking I did with her was how I saw it, that I felt nothing had gone on. In spite of that, the Southern girlfriend (who I’d been friends with for over 9 years) decided she couldn’t trust me anymore because I wasn’t telling her what she wanted to hear, which is that you were a scummy, cheating pig. Again, if friendships are based on lies, then I guess her and I weren’t friends to begin with.
Do you remember the t-shirts for the NJ Bash? Did you conveniently forget that in exchange for the artwork you provided to us (and it was very good), that you didn’t ever have to pay to be a vendor there? I think for the most part (with the exception of the year of the dark green silkscreen) you made money. Speaking of which, have you also forgotten about the pizzas I gave you (at no charge) after we had our Bash luncheon on Saturday, so you could take your girlfriend upstairs to your room for a private party?
How about the time you guys came and didn’t have enough money to grab much for dinner, and I handed you a gift card for Fridays (and yes, I remember that you thanked me for it) That was out of friendship as well. How about the counseling we gave each other over that time after marriages & relationships ended? I can honestly say that anything I said during that time was because my friend was hurting & or misunderstood by the “community”. I also remember you saying during that time that you were going to take a break from it because you were sick of the insincerity, back biting, and lack of ethics there. You suggested to me on many occasions back in 2009-2010 to do the same. From one of your PMs to me on Facebook:
Sticking around means that you’re constantly going to be in some kind of headline on someone’s blog space. It means that you’re going to be close to a fire no matter where you sit or who you’re seated with. Remember this: you dropped out of Force One last year to take care of your family, but you still stayed close to the community. The community is what played a big part in ruining your family, so if you’re truly ready to move on from it, I’m proud and happy for you.
I don’t know what your therapist told you, but knowing what your life has been like these past twelve months, I think paysites will do just fine for the time being. You’ve lost two women in those twelve months, so I think it’s time to slow down a bit and give yourself time to heal and regain your energy and smile.
There was a time in which I would go to a bash and see a gorgeous girl seated in a tble at the far end of the room. I’d then look to the dance floor and see someone like a carla or a Jackie or a LnL and think to myself that women like those were the ones who had the confidence and the tools to provide me with a healthy, successful relationship. I was proven wrong three times already, and the more I look at the girls who sit in the far corners of the room, the more I see humble, peaceful women who don’t need an army of admirers or #1 in a popularity contest to be happy with themselves.
You and I have been through quite a bit this past year. I have learned lessons in everything I did and everyhting that has happened to me, and I use these lessons as a testing kit to see which girls would be worth my time and which won’t; a blood-glucose meter for relationships, if you will.
There are good women out there, and from the community. Some of them even come to NJ to say hi. It’s your responsibility to take your experiences and use them to your advantage, because if you don’t, you’ll wind up with your hat in your hands again.
And you know what? That was the best advice you’d ever given. Funny thing, I actually acted on your suggestion. Lissa was one of the women who seemed unimpressed by what was going on at the NJ BBW Bash. I moved slowly, having just come out of something horrible (the ending of my marriage, as well as a unrewarding & emotionally trying long distance relationship). It felt refreshing to me to date someone who “got it”, and who didn’t mind waiting for me to come around. And I did, and 4 years later we’re not only still together, but engaged. I’ll always be grateful for that advice.
Somehow though, you couldn’t take your own advice. You couldn’t stay away. You’re like some of the girls in the community who cry for attention. While I haven’t spoken with you in over 3 years, I’ll bet that it was that constant need for attention/fame that may have cost you your last relationship too. The shame of it was, I didn’t want to put your ex in the middle of our personal battle, and had to take her off my Facebook page. She was (and I’m pretty sure still is) a great girl, and it’s only your loss, not hers, in my opinion.
So with that said, you got pissed at me because I laughed at something said in a Facebook group that you weren’t invited to, since your “minions” came to you to let you know. This was beginning of the end, as I see it:
At that time, I needed away from the size prostitution ring where as you were smack dab in the center, planning another NJ bash. As always, there are two sides to every story, and when I addressed some of the stories concerning your friendships with myself and my detractors, you more or less called me an asshole and blocked me from all method of contact while Jackass did the same.
That was a nasty kick to the balls, seeing how close I had become with you and your family in the short time I had known you until then.
It felt as though you were pushing me out of the way for the love and affection you thought you’d get from the size prostitution group, and I think it was two weeks later in which they wagged their fingers at you over a Chris Christie fat joke, and you unblocked me to tell me that I was right about these people all along.
I’m over and beyond it. But I stand by my comments…sticking within earshot of these people is going to bring you nothing but trouble.
The problem was, YOU were also part of “those people”.
Somehow, if I didn’t take up for you EVERY time you had someone slinging shit at you (and remember, you did a lot of slinging yourself, as did I) you felt like I wasn’t your friend. Here’s a newsflash for you, dude. friends don’t always agree with every word or action of their friends. Real friends will tell their friends when they think they’re wrong about something. As you know, I was never enamored with the concept of feederism, We spoke about it on several occasions. We also spoke at length about how I felt about obesity being exploited on TV, so why would you be surprised when I wrote a blog criticizing not only you, but others who appeared on that sensational tv show. I won’t re-blog my whole tirade about it, but maybe if you have someone else read it to you, you’ll understand it was directed at lots of people from that community, who could care less about size acceptance, and only cared about becoming some sort of daytime tv celebrity. Also notice that I didn’t use names, since I didn’t want the readers of my blog to draw conclusions based on who I was talking about.
So, despite my forgiveness of you over the years, you come to me with a little post that was made in a Facebook group:
You haven’t forgotten that I got spies everywhere, right?
Phil Varlese: I like taking risks, T***i. Keep hoping one of you will take the other off ignore, and start to mix it up for realz on my Facebook page, so I can write MY book, and get MY 15 minutes of fame. I also want to smell your fingers. I’ve heard they smell like………………fingers.
And again, your ego assumed the “MY book” & “MY 15 minutes of fame” were only about you…..hey, do your fingers smell like……fingers? See, I’ve never needed or wanted spies. I assumed that people who friended me simply wanted to be friends in this community. When I found that to be wrong, I unfriended them. See how easy that is? You, on the other hand, went on a crusade to “ruin” them, to soil their reputation in the community, and because I didn’t take your side in one or two cases, decided to end our friendship.
You went on your own rants at times, talking about how the NJ Bash “imploded”. I even overlooked those comments, just came to you privately to discuss why I didn’t see it that way.
So, fast forward several months, and now I see that you’re helping out the midget pornographer who took over the NJ Bash. The easy thing to do would have been to shit all over his efforts (and yours), but in actuality, all I did was write a blog suggesting that people KNOW who they’re giving their money to at these events. You of all people know goddamn well that Berna and I used most of our revenues towards other size positive activities, whether it was bringing in Megan Tonjes, or donating funds to Kira’s movie project, or Adipositivity, or even Dimensions, for that matter (since without that website, we wouldn’t have gotten the turnouts that we did). You even admitted that the old events we ran had a “family” feel to them. So, when part of the family left, some people weren’t going to come. Were you dumb enough to think that wouldn’t happen? Do you think that hitting a guy with an inflatable dick was going to keep that family feel?
Yup, this doesn’t look like what Berna and I were running.
So, you started to hammer me in your blogs, and your social media accounts, calling me the “Nowhere Man”. Well guess what, I was happy being nowhere except in the comfort of my home with Lissa, who’s been a blessing to me the past few years. She was with me when I had the blood clots in my lungs, and held my hand as I watched my father take his last breath in August of 2013. She’s my best friend, and I’m lucky to have her in my life.
So here I am now, and someone who I guess still thrives on trouble sent me a message that you’d mentioned me again with a new name…..BITTER OLD MAN.
I didn’t see that bitter old man at NJ Bash. Maybe it’s because people smartened up to his deceitful ways and know enough to never believe that he doesn’t have some kind of agenda.
BITTER OLD MAN. Gee, where have I heard that before? Well, besides you, I also heard it from a popular web model, someone who was uncomfortable when I wrote about paysite girls as real people vs. their product. She called me the same thing, as did a few others. These people who were so quick to jump on me for it never took the time to see how I was after I was hospitalized, or to offer condolences to me after my dad passed away. The decision to remove them from my life hasn’t made me bitter at all. In fact, it’s given me much inner peace. Yup, that’s my agenda….to rid myself of the people who kissed my ass for 2 weekends a year, and then had negative things to say behind my back. They’re all gone now.
Unfortunately for you, you still seem to obsess over me, inasmuch as 3 years later, you still want to try to get a rise out of me because I wouldn’t come to the NJ Bash anymore. Here’s the thing. It has nothing to do with not wanting to “face the music”. I don’t go because few of my friends attend that event any more, and more important, I wouldn’t put a dime in the pocket of the clown who runs the event now. You, won’t see that, however. You like the fact that he blows up your ego, and has been a conduit to you and lots of new women, since a lot of the old ones see you now for what you are, which to me seems more bitter than I could ever be. See, I left the community on my own terms, you left but couldn’t stay away, and that will come to bite you in the ass one day. Yet, you keep poking & prodding, like somehow I’m going to respond in a way where you can say “See? He’s everything I told you he was!” Guess what, YOU can continue being the emperor of FAs. I’ll just sit here comfortably with a decent job, a home & car that I own, a relationship I value, and a great family. You can continue (as HHH so succinctly stated) to be that little nugget on the back of your butt, the little piece that no matter how hard you my try, just doesn’t want to come off. Hopefully you’ll find this blog to be a final wipe, and you’ll just go away.
Honestly, I was going to post this on your blog page, but just like you did with the friend of Dan’s who was giving it to you pretty good, I figured at some point you’d delete the post (s) in an attempt to rewrite fatty history, something you accused a fairly renowned webmaster of doing about 5-6 years ago. It’s amazing how things like this come around full circle. By the way, you can clearly see by my response here that I have no problem letting you know that it’s me. I don’t need to hide behind a name when I say that you’ve become a delusional narcissist, and that’s going to be your downfall. I could have posted a lot more of our previous conversations to show how full of shit you really are, but there were other people whose names were mentioned, and I wouldn’t want any of them (even the ones I’m no longer friends with) hurt.
Good luck on the West Coast, but remember, if you burn out all of those people as well, you may just want to think about looking within as a possible source for your problems, not the people who WERE your friends over the years.