Bashing Pt. 2

This isn’t going to be a long blog, just some short statements that hold true for me (hopefully for some of you as well).

A couple of years ago, when I was still running the NJ Bash with my partner, I was going through an agonizing divorce.  My life was upside down, I was in therapy, got involved in a relationship that I should have avoided, and ran 3 BBW/FA events during that time.  Along with that, I was accused by some of the people who attended these events that I would use the NJ Bash as my “personal dating pool”.

I treated most of these people like family, and treated everyone as if they were my younger brothers & sisters, or in the case of the really younger ones, like my kids.  And as in the case of most families, some kicked me in the ass with their comments.

Back in April 2009, I thought about packing it in, and my partner urged me to keep on, since it might help me take my mind off the craziness that had gone on in my life during that time.  To a great extent she was correct, and we ran events in April and October of 2009, and again in both March & October of 2010.

Many of the people who attended during that time had little or no idea of what was going on with me personally.  And so they bitched an complained about all the typical things that people complain about at these events, like:

1.  This creeper is bothering me
2.  I need towels
3.  The heat in the pool isn’t on
4.  Why can’t I pay you later?
5.  The webmodel I came to bang is already hooked up with someone.

I took care of all the complaints as best I could, as did my partner.  Our events went off without a hitch, and to this day, people tell me that our events were the best they ever attended.

After the October 2010 event, I had resolved to be done in running an planning, and I began to blog publicly about my wanting to take a break from running events and the BBW/FA community in general.  One would have thought that I had stabbed everyone in the back, as if I had no right to do this, even though I was going through very personal issues.  The questions rolled in, would there be an event in the Spring of 2011?  I honestly didn’t know, but saying so put people in a panic.

What the hell were they going to do without the Spring NJ Bash?

For me the question was, what was I going to do with it?  The more I thought about it, the more I felt as if many of the people appreciated the event, but not me or my partner, or the work we put into it, and what it cost us personally.  At that point the decision became easier, and by June of 2011, I had withdrawn completely.  It was the best decision I ever made for me personally.

I spent some time with my dad today at the long term health care facility.  He has little time left, as he’s in stage IV of COPD, and his breathing is becoming increasingly labored.  I value this time.  He and my mom were responsible for raising me for my first 27 years (thanks to an extra couple of years of college), and giving me their love, counsel and education about life.  This, just like moving my dad from north to south Jersey a few years ago so I could help him, is my small way of paying him back.

I thought about what my life would have been like watching my father slowly dying if I was still running the NJ Bash, with all of the challenges associated with it, realizing that only a small amount of people actually appreciated our efforts.  I know in my heart that nothing is more important than family, and if people can’t understand that, and would rather bitch and moan about missing an event while someone goes through personal issues, than those people aren’t worth my efforts anyway.

Celebrity Weight Loss & Lying To The World (& Yourself)

Earlier this week, it was New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who announced that earlier this year (February 2013) he had a “not so secret” gastric band procedure in an effort to lose weight.  The governor, who once called himself “the healthiest fat guy you’ve ever seen”, apparently didn’t think so deep down in his soul, and succumbed to the lap band procedure, which often results in little or no weight loss.  He announced earlier this week that he’s lost 4o pounds to date, the Governor claims  it’s not about politics… It’s about turning 50 and wanting to be around as his children grow up.

Hey guv……you’re already at an age that most medical professionals claimed you wouldn’t reach at the age you’re at (50).  That must have EVERYTHING to do with the fact that you were the healthiest fat guy, right???  *insert eye roll here*

Of course, it had nothing to do with Christie being the butt of fat jokes, or with critics using his weight to question his ability to run the US, should he decide to make a run at the presidency, did it?

I mean, after all….the man who was the cornerstone of fat acceptance wouldn’t have to stoop to losing weight, would he?

Today, we hear about comedian Lisa Lampanelli, who has proclaimed to the world that she has lost a total of 106 lbs, again the result of gastric band surgery, which took place in April of 2012.  Here’s you’re before and after:

Ms. Lampanelli now weighs 142 lbs. and says she is at the weight she feels like she is supposed to be at now.  Really?  I need to ask a question here……..If that was the weight you were supposed to be at, why did you have to resort to drastic measures to get there?

Of course I’m sure she’d say that she ate like a horse and didn’t exercise enough, and that caused the weight gain, probably much like Governor Christie.  That’s the stock answer, but the question remains that a lot of people eat to excess and don’t exercise, yet remain thin, so why are you different?

Even she doesn’t have an answer for that.  What she DOES have an answer for is what she feels are the benefits of the new (and I’ll bet temporary) weight loss.  “One of the best parts of losing weight has been the clothing! I roll up to Macy’s and go to the sales rack and see how much I can get for a little amount of money! It’s almost like a game for me!”

So what we have here are two people in the public eye telling people who are overweight that they are unhealthy (even though they may not be), and that they won’t look “good” until they lose that excess weight.  TWO people……..who formerly defended themselves at the weights they were at.  Great example to set for young kids who are already experiencing body image issues thanks to “well intentioned” family & friends who think that body shaming will get these people to lose weight, when in fact it isn’t just a caloric intake vs. calories burned issue.  Why not, as people in the public eye, continue to fly in the face of the haters and show the world that people can be larger than “average” yet still be quite healthy and happy with themselves.

So my question to Governor Christie is – deep down, did you feel that you really needed to lose weight so you’d better “fit” the look of a guy running for president?  Because, just like you defended yourself at that weight, you must have thought deep down that you weren’t healthy or you would not have had the procedure.

My question to those who are defending Christie’s decision (and yes I know it’s his body to do with as he wishes, and I agree…..) as it pertains to his presidential run.  If you vote for him in the next election, and after he’s elected president, if he regains the weight that he’s lost (and there’s a strong chance he will), would you want to see him impeached due to weight gain?

And for Ms. Lampanelli, now that you’ve become a “skinny bitch” (her words), do you really think there’s a simple cure for your other addiciton issues like you felt about this one?  More important, when it fails (again, look at stats on WLS patients 5 years out) will you then look for another simple solution, and then attempt to force it on the rest of the world, claiming that this is still the weight you were meant to be?

While I wish you both good health, I also wish you common sense, which I believe you’re both lacking at this point.

When Did We Start Calling THIS Fat??

Say hello to Kelsey Williams.  Unless you’ve been living away from anything electronic, I’m pretty sure that you know who she is, but in case you don’t, let me bring you up to date.
Ms. Williams is a cheerleader for the Oklahoma City Thunder, who are currently playing the Rockets in the first round of the NBA playoffs.   Anyway, the NBA Oklahoma City Thunder cheerleader was recently criticized for her weight by CBS Houston blogger Claire Crawford, but she’s trying to focus on the positives.

Crawford became the focus of much venom on Wednesday, Apr. 24 after she reportedly asked readers if Williams was “too chunky” to cheer. “[Williams] has been criticized by some folks in [Oklahoma] for having ‘pudginess’ around her waistline,” she allegedly wrote. “Is this chick ‘too chunky’ to be a cheerleader?”  She posted a poll, and after the Daily Mail picked up the story, all hell broke loose.

After all the criticism, Crawford began to backpedal, “……..if she’s comfortable wearing that tiny outfit and dancing for NBA fans, then good for her,” Crawford said. “Besides . . . not every man likes women to be toothpick skinny. I’d say most men prefer a little extra meat on her bones.”

Now I’m one of those men who prefers his women to not be toothpick skinny.  My view of what is chubby or fat is somewhat skewed as well, since I have no problem with the “cheerleader” in this picture either…..

I realize than many people would consider this woman fat, I just consider her sexy.  I also find Kelsey Williams equally attractive.  In fact, I find most women attractive, regardless of size, since I was blessed by parents who raised me to find beauty in all.  It’s a shame that Ms. Crawford didn’t have parents like mine.

This brings me to my points.  First, my attraction to any woman doesn’t mean that I find women who are the opposite of what I’m attracted to offensive.  I never understood why guys who were more attractive to thinner women felt a need to put down fat chicks.  I also had a hard time hearing from guys who were into fat chick that would drop all the cliche’s like “bones are for dogs” and “BBWs rule”.  For many years fat women didn’t get to hear things like that, so I get why some might feel a need to level the playing field, but is it really necessary for either side to put the other down to feel better about themselves?

My next point is more of an observation.  It seems to me that the male body policing of women’s bodies has begun to shape a standard that some women are beginning to buy into it, Ms. Crawford included.  Perhaps Ms. Crawford has no concept of feminism, because there’s no way her blog gets written if she did.  Of course, the male community has already jumped on to this story, mostly in defense of Claire Crawford, and why wouldn’t they?  She’s repping for their interests.

Check out this response from a “broski” site called BarStoolSports.com:

So this story is flying around right now. It’s actually already been taken down by CBS but Google cache had it. People are losing their shit calling for the editor and author’s head and saying stories like this inspire anorexia and bulimia in the US. What the fuck? She’s a professional cheerleader. That’s her job. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with questioning if Kelsey here can still cut it. It’s literally exactly like when we wonder if Beckett showed up for camp too fat. No one freaked out then. And they shouldn’t. If your job is to publicly look good or be physical then it shouldn’t be an issue to question if you’ve lost a step. But because it’s a girl everybody has to jump aboard the sexist train. Fuck that. Don’t want to be called pudgy in the news? Either don’t be a professional cheerleader or don’t be pudgy. Choice is yours.

I apologize on behalf of my gender……….

What these clowns didn’t consider is that Kelsey Williams has been a cheerleader for OKC for the past 3 years, and nothing was mentioned about her weight, which hasn’t fluctuated during that time.  What they’re doing is projecting body hate on an unflattering photo of an absolutely gorgeous (and fit) woman, much like the frenzy that occurred when the not so flattering pic of Beyonce’ went up recently.

So these guys had the balls to say “ Either don’t be a professional cheerleader or don’t be pudgy”.  Well, here’s some advice for you boys.

Maybe when you do that, you’ll realize that it’s a diverse world, and that your standard of beauty is different than mine, but not better or worse, and that it’s not your job to police bodies that differ from your standard of beauty.  Then maybe some women won’t feel the need to starve themselves until their hearts stop beating so that you might pay attention to them.  In the meantime, fuck you, either learn to respect others, or I’ll be happy to smack that respect into you.

Crunching Numbers

I had an opportunity yesterday to read an “article” called 10 Flabbergasting Costs of America’s Obesity Epidemic

Well, first the good news.  They didn’t refer to obesity as being engaged in a war against it.  Doing so makes fat people sound like an enemy, which I suppose to some people they are, but there’s enough wrongness to it to fill another blog.

So as not to paraphrase anything, I’m going to repost the entire story for you to read (original link can be found here):

Obesity is costing us big time. Three times more Americans are obese now than were in 1960. Six times more Americans are now extremely obese than a half-century ago. Unfortunately, everyone is paying for this obesity epidemic. How much? Here are 10 flabbergasting numbers related to the costs of obesity.

1. $190 billion — That’s the amount of added medical costs every year that are estimated to stem from obesity-related problems. This total amounts to nearly 21% of total U.S. health care expenditures.

2. 105% — According to a study conducted by the Brookings Institution, this is the increased amount that obese Americans pay for prescription drugs compared to individuals who aren’t obese.

3. $3.4 billion – Call this the cost of the laws of physics. Cars burn around 938 million gallons of gasoline per year more than they would if Americans weighed what they did in 1960. At the current average U.S. gasoline cost of $3.64 per gallon, that adds up to $3.4 billion per year.

4. $164 billion — The Society of Actuaries estimates that U.S. employers lose this amount in productivity annually due to obesity-related issues with employees.

5. $6.4 billion — Every year this amount is estimated to be lost due to employee absenteeism related to obesity.

6. $1 billion —  Another laws of physics annual cost. U.S. airlines consume an extra 350 million gallons of fuel per year due to overweight passengers. At an average jet fuel cost of $2.87 per gallon, those dollars add up.

7. $14.3 billion — This is how much childhood obesity costs the U.S. each year, according to a published study from the Brookings Institution.

8. $62 billion – Medicare and Medicaid spend nearly this amount every year on obesity-related costs. Of course, this really means that taxpayers spend this amount.

9. $66 billion — Columbia University researchers say that if current trends don’t change, obesity-related annual medical costs in the U.S. could increase this amount by 2030 — on top of current expenditures.

10. $580 billion — The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation predicts that annual economic productivity loss due to obesity could hit this staggering amount by 2030 unless the current situation changes.

Tipping the scales
Unfortunately, things are getting worse. Just look at the best state in the U.S. when it comes to obesity. Colorado’s adult obesity rate in 1995 was 13.9%. The worst state, Mississippi, had a rate of 19.4%. Fast-forward the clock to today. Colorado is still the best. However, the state’s adult obesity rate now stands at 20.7% — higher than the worst state less than two decades ago.

Is there any good news that could tip the scales in the battle against obesity? Thankfully, yes. Many states have taken action by implementing legislation that could help, including school programs that target better nutrition.

Wellness programs show the potential to reduce obesity — and they’re cost-effective. Studies have found that employers can save up to $6 per person for every $1 spent on these programs. Employees could have ample motivation to participate. Under Obamacare, employers can charge workers up to 50% more for health insurance if they refuse to participate in wellness programs.

Several new drugs could also help in addressing the obesity epidemic. VIVUS (NASDAQ: VVUS ) currently markets weight-loss pill Qsymia. Arena Pharmaceuticals (NASDAQ: ARNA ) shouldn’t be too far behind. The company received Food and Drug Administration approval for its drug, Belviq, but is awaiting final scheduling by the Drug Enforcement Administration. Contrave, a weight-loss pill from Orexigen Therapeutics (NASDAQ: OREX ) , is still in a late-stage clinical study but could hit the market next year if ultimately approved.

Let’s hope that these and other solutions make a difference. The costs if they don’t are enormous.

Okay, so I did a little math.  The Gross Domestic Product of the United States for 2011 was just under $15 trillion.  The total of the numbers listed by the author above comes to approximately $1 trillion.  According to HIS numbers, fat people are contributing just under 7 percent to the Gross Domestic Product, just for being fat.

The lesson to be learned here is that if you’re fat, the rest of the country should be thanking you, since they contribute far less than you do.

Actually, kidding aside, this article is so full of wrong that it should be considered editorial, and not news.  Let’s start with #1-$190 billion — That’s the amount of added medical costs every year that are estimated to stem from obesity-related problems.  Heart related?  Lung?  Cancer?  See, those medical categories are often lumped into obesity related medical issues, when in fact they are issues that face Americans of all sizes, many as a result of diabetes, which is also considered fat related, and couldn’t be further from the truth.

Let’s move on to the $3.4 billion – Call this the cost of the laws of physics. Cars burn around 938 million gallons of gasoline per year more than they would if Americans weighed what they did in 1960. At the current average U.S. gasoline cost of $3.64 per gallon, that adds up to $3.4 billion per year.   In actuality, that increased gas usage can be more attributed to car pooling and more family mobility than to cars not being able to haul a 250+ lb. ass very efficiently.  In actuality, car manufacturers give an estimate of MPG, based on “averages”, which include different weights of people, as well as varying amounts of passengers.  This is one of the biggest fallacies that anti obesity crusaders use in their arguments, and (pardon the pun), the argument doesn’t hold any weight.

How about $164 billion — The Society of Actuaries estimates that U.S. employers lose this amount in productivity annually due to obesity-related issues with employees.  Like what?  Missing time due to illness?  Or, are they trying to say that fat people simply don’t work as hard?  If that’s the case, I can cite several studies showing the opposite is true.  $6.4 billion — Every year this amount is estimated to be lost due to employee absenteeism related to obesity.   “I’m fat, and I don’t feel like working today”……….Yeah, right.  Please lead me to whoever puts these “studies” together.

Let’s not forget the $1 billion —  Another laws of physics annual cost. U.S. airlines consume an extra 350 million gallons of fuel per year due to overweight passengers. At an average jet fuel cost of $2.87 per gallon, those dollars add up.   So does the bullshit.  This is “founded” on the same principle as the argument about cars, and it’s false.  Even if it was true, however, wouldn’t you think that excess luggage contributes far more to a plane’s weight than a couple of fat people in row 19?

Finally, $580 billion — The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation predicts that annual economic productivity loss due to obesity could hit this staggering amount by 2030 unless the current situation changes.   Please explain how, and cite sources.  RWJ is a medical/pharma giant whose success is partially predicated on the misery of the obese.

And that my friends is really what this “article” is all about.  The writer seems preoccupied with the pharmaceuticals that treat obesity and the other medical “issues” associated with it.  See, he WANTS lots of fat people.  They aren’t the enemy, they are his financial friend, since there’s money to be made on fat people.  Don’t believe me, though.  Ask the diet industry, which in 2011 came in at $20 billion, another staggering number (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/100-million-dieters-20-billion-weight-loss-industry/story?id=16297197#.UV9ji8p26os).

Numbers can be misleading, but they can also expose lies, and with a little common sense, can explain the reasons behind the lies.  Knowledge is power – don’t be deceived.

My “EDIOTRIAL” On The Export Of Obesity

Yesterday, I tweeted about an editorial written by a student at Kansas State for their school newspaper.  My tweet, though a bit harsh, had a typo error in it.

This “ediotrial” about Americans exporting obesity is full of dumb, par for a KS. State Student http://www.kstatecollegian.com/2013/03/25/americans-exporting-obesity-must-take-responsibility/ …

Admittedly, I don’t know a lot about Kansas State, though in reading this editorial, it reminded me of my old alma mater, Montclair State, and how The Clarion (the newspaper of Montclair State) at times “forced” garbage articles and editorials from their staff in an effort to give their paper more substance than how the football team did last weekend.  I felt this editorial was contrived, contained a lot of misinformation, and called them out on it.

Their response?

@PhilVarlese could you tell us what you mean by “ediotrial?”

First, let me apologize for the typo error.  I truly know how to spell, I just get carried away at times when my bullshit meter goes up, and typing on my smart phone causes me to appear not as smart.  Such was the case here, and to the spelling/grammar police at the Collegian, I truly apologize.  What bullshit would cause such anger on my part?  To make it easy, I’ll post the entire editorial (though you can read it on their site, http://www.kstatecollegian.com/2013/03/25/americans-exporting-obesity-must-take-responsibility/)

Every country has its own problems with diseases, and the prime problem for America is obesity. Unfortunately, America is exporting its problem and it is starting to affect other countries. Why is this happening, and how should we change our food habits? It’s not too hard if we just follow the proper steps.

Obesity is the foremost health issue in America, and obesity rates have been rising every year. It is mainly caused by lack of physical exercise combined with the intake of too many calories, especially from foods with higher fat content, such as pizza, fries and burgers. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), obesity is also influenced by genetics and behaviors—for example, children who watch television for long periods tend to have a higher risk for obesity.

The CDC projects that 44 percent of Americans will be obese by 2030. In addition, according to an article by reuters.com, there will be as many as 7.9 million new cases of diabetes per year (compared to 1.9 million new cases in recent years). The increasing burden of illness will go right to the bottom line, adding $66 billion in annual obesity-related medical costs. According to the National Institutes of Health, being overweight also leads to complex health issues such as strokes, cancers, dyslipidemia, liver and gallbladder disease and menstrual problems.

Often we think obesity is a problem that “America” has and Manhattan doesn’t, so let’s talk about what’s right here at K-State. I have seen many students drive to campus even though they live right next to it. It makes sense to use a car in the winter season, but they are otherwise unnecessary. You don’t need a car to go to the Rec or to campus.

Apparently, students are also too lazy to bother walking up a flight of stairs. I’ve observed many students use elevators to go up just one or two floors. Watch when you’re next in Hale Library, Fairchild or Throckmorton. While we’re young, such habits might not affect us, but they will in the long run. If I were you, whether I had money or not, I would prefer bikes and staircases to laziness and poor health.

Americans eat more than they should. According to the USDA in a Jan. 2011 article on livestrong.com, the average American daily calorie intake was 2,234 in 1970 and 2,757 in 2003. This is an increase of 523 calories consumed per day. If Americans don’t change their everyday food habits, it could be very dangerous not only for them but also for the generations for whom they are setting an example.

In my opinion, it’s not just Americans who have been dealing with obesity—the rest of the world struggles as well. However, America is exporting obesity to many countries through food companies like McDonald’s, KFC and Burger King. Other countries are starting to take a liking to fast foods and to show the same habits of laziness, lack of self-control, and lack of health-consciousness that led to America’s obesity problem. The government needs to take steps to control obesity because it’s not just America that’s being affected anymore.

I’m pretty certain that no one who is obese likes being so, but it takes a lot of effort to get rid of this disease. It may not affect you now, but obesity in the long-run means there are bad times ahead. Do something about it now. It’s time to take the stairs, tie up your laces and climb.

To the author, I’m assuming that since you’re in college, you’re there for an education.  Prepare to be educated, because I don’t want your parents to think that they’re wasting money on your college education.

Let’s start with your opening paragraph.  Let me ask you this.  If WE (Americans) change our eating habits, as you suggested, would obesity in other countries come to an end?  If WE changed our eating habits, would all the fast food restaurants close?  More important, if WE changed our eating habits, would obesity be eliminated in the United States?

In your own editorial, you indicate that the CDC has acknowledged that genetics plays a part in obesity, yet you glossed over that point to focus on lack of exercise and overeating as the major culprits.  With that said, can you explain WHY there are thin people whose dietary & fitness habits are similar to those you’ve described, and why some people who eat properly and exercise regularly remain fat?  I’m betting you can’t, though you come off as on obesity “expert”.

That is not to say that I disagree with proper nutrition and a trend towards health.  I grew up fat.  My path towards overall health was similar to what you’ve described.  In looking at others who were on the same path I was on however, I came to learn that obesity is not as simple as calories in > calories expended.  My fat friends who engaged in similar dietary habits that I subscribed to, and exercised even more than I did remained fat, causing me to come to the conclusion that there’s more to obesity than sitting around all day playing x-box, and stuffing Taco Bell down your pie hole.

You say that the USDA indicates that the average American daily calorie intake was 2,234 in 1970 and 2,757 in 2003.  Are you aware of the fact that in 1977 there was a huge rise in the production of high fructose corn syrup?  Did you know that in 1984  soft drink makers began using it in Coca-Cola and Pepsi, and other soft drinks?  Why is this important?  It’s often said that the replacement of sugar in our diet with high fructose corn syrup has contributed more to obesity than actual intake of food, because this man made sweetener has an addictive quality to it not contained in its equally sweet & natural counterpart.  As a result, beverages made with HFCS cause you to drink more & more, causing the rise in caloric intake you’ve described here, and while a calorie is a calorie no matter where it comes from, there are some inherent dangers to ingesting large amounts of HFCS, obesity being the least of them (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-mark-hyman/high-fructose-corn-syrup-dangers_b_861913.html).

My concern with this editorial isn’t the request that America focus on overall health.  I don’t think there’s anyone who would enjoy being unhealthy.  As stated, “no one who is obese likes being so”,  but then state “It’s not too hard if we just follow the proper steps.”

I believe you’ve fallen into the trap of buying into the traditional thinking that everyone who engages in “proper” diet and exercise will conquer obesity, and that couldn’t be further from the truth.  It will also set many people up for failure, trying to live up to a standard that they will never achieve.  While that doesn’t mean they should give up on trying to live a healthy lifestyle, it shifts the focus from health to appearance.  In other words, if you look fat, you can’t be healthy.  That also couldn’t be further from the truth, as I can direct you to countless articles that debunk that myth as well.

The writer engages in a little fat shaming when she writes “Other countries are starting to take a liking to fast foods and to show the same habits of laziness, lack of self-control, and lack of health-consciousness that led to America’s obesity problem.”  The assumption that those characteristics have been unique to Americans, especially fat Americans, manifests a prejudice about obesity that is more at the root of the problem in the US than obesity could ever be.

That prejudice is ignorance, and until Americans take the time to learn the real causes of obesity and drop the notion that fat people are fat in America by choice, the ignorance & prejudice will continue.  No different than the ignorance expressed about college in the demotive pic below.

THAT is my ediotrial.

Concern Trolling Your Kids.

A friend of mine recently posted this question in a group on Facebook that both of us are in:

If your child is/were fat, would you encourage (I don’t want to say nag) them to lose weight? How do you deal with judgement from other parents on your/your child’s size, or judgement from your own children?

It’s an excellent question, one that deserves an honest answer, and while some of the answers there were spot on, I didn’t want to write an editorial on the page, hence this blog.

I grew up in an Italian household in New Jersey.  We had an Italian/Mediterranean diet that consisted of lots of vegetables, some pasta, an lots of fish.  At about 1o years old I discovered snacks, and gained a significant amount of weight, which I’d often lose during the summer simply because I was a lot more active then, participating in baseball, hiking & camping, and racking miles on my bike.  It was an up & down cycle that took place every year until I was about 17.  At 16 I weighed over 275 pounds, my heaviest.

At no time did my parents mention my weight, or that they wanted me to go on a diet.

Years later, they told me that they just didn’t think it was important, as they knew that I was active, even when I was fat.  There were a couple of occasions that I was bullied about my weight by the kids in school, but after I administered a couple of beatings, the bullying stopped.  Some kids (even back then) never realized that fat kids can still be quick & deadly……….I can only recall one occasion when it really got to me, and my mom & dad did their best to make it a non issue, saying “real friends don’t talk to their friends like that, so shrug it off, knowing that they don’t get to be friends with you.”

I have 2 kids, a 25 year old daughter, and a 10 year old son.  Neither of them are fat, so while I’ve had no first hand experience with my own kids,  just the ability to draw from how my parents were with me.  I have friends who grew up fat, who as parents have put their kids through fat camps and the like, simply because they didn’t want their kids to have to experience what they went through as kids.  I was lucky enough to have parents who allowed me to live my own life, be it fat or average or thin, and gave me enough space to allow me to grow into who I became as an adult.

Interestingly enough, I dated bigger girls in my teen years.  My first girlfriend Claire weighed more than I did, and my only thoughts centered around how lucky I was to be dating her.  My parents met her, and never commented, and the only time I recall anything being said was by my grandmother, who when she met her mumbled in Italian “Come grande!”  (My grandmother was fat too, making that judgment call even more out of line),

Being blind to weight is like being blind to race in many ways.  Some people get it, others don’t.  In this very harsh digital world we live in, the internet allows us to be cruel to others without fears of reprisal.  Bullying other kids over their weight, whether online or in person, can cause horrible emotional damage to kids.  The last thing they need are their own parents drawing off their own negative body image and superimposing that on their children.  That can be almost worse than bullying from kids, as it legitimizes the negative connotation.

Many parents of fat kids claim that they do this because “they want their kids to better than they did.  Tell you what, if that’s what you truly want, why not work towards, and advocate size acceptance?  Don’t you think that introducing your kid to size acceptance, holding their hand as you both read size positive article, and getting them involved in the movement is better than alienating your kid by telling them what’s wrong with them because of their weight?  While I sympathize with parents who had been bullied & mistreated due to their weight, I can’t ever justify such a reactionary response.  Your kids are not you, life is different now than when you were growing up, and your kids need your support, not more of what they get in school or on the street.

So recently, my girlfriend’s daughter received “the fat letter” from the school nurse……you know, the one that tells the parents that the kid’s BMI is higher than other kids her age.  I fired off an e-mail to the school nurse telling her that not only did I disagree with the school’s determination, but that as a parent, I encourage her to be healthy no matter what weight she’s at.  At her age (13), she reminds me of me at that age, and as an active kid whose genetics makes her a little bigger than the other kids, she may or may not lose the weight.  The next day, the school nurse called to tell me that she “was in agreement” with my assessment of her health, and backed off, and while shutting the school nurse up was the primary goal, the collateral result was that her daughter was thrilled with my defense of her.

Bottom line from a parent.  Let you kids be themselves, fat or thin.  Support them, help them feel good about themselves.  Talk with them about the fact that fat shaming is still bullying, whether it comes from their classmates, or the institution they attend.  Teach them about size acceptance, and get them involved with it in some way.  Let’s face it, more girls than boys get shamed for their weight.  I have some pens left over from one of my old NJ Bash events that say “Fat Chicks Rule”.  If any of you have any young girls, and would like one for them, drop me an e-mail with your address or PO Box, and I will be more than happy to send you one.  My e-mail is wrestlingguy@hotmail.com

Some Differences – Part 2

In yet another set of examples where weight can be used to one’s benefit or detriment………..

Let me introduce you (if you don’t already know her) to Jennifer Marchant, aka Scarlette Rouge, a BBW adult entertainment “star”.

Perhaps you don’t recognize her from her mugshot.  Here’s the way many of you likely know her:

On Feb. 11 AVN Business reports that she has been charged with murder after killing her boyfriend with a kitchen knife on Feb. 6.  Police in Tonawanda, NY reported that they responded to a domestic violence call at Marchant’s apartment when they found Marchant’s boyfriend, Ralph Stone, dead with a single knife wound to the neck.

When the police arrived, Marchant was in the apartment, was immediately arrested and charged (and was held without bail).  Stone’s mother in an interview, said that Marchant seemed like a nice girl and even visited her home on Christmas. She says that the two fought like every couple but they seemingly got along well.  The murder trial has yet to take place.

On to happier things……………..

THIS is Dilia.  I came across Dilia on one of my favorite Facebook Pages, This Is My Body Project:

I don’t know her last name, simply because she didn’t submit it along with her pic to the Facebook page, but I was intrigued with her story.  Here ya go:

“Hi. My name is Dilia and this is my body. It has been through many tortures in the 25 years of life it’s had. It has been abused, by myself and others. It’s been purposely cut, scraped, beaten, battered, stretched, altered and misshaped. It has been neglected and has had many battles with the way it has been perceived by the world and myself. Regardless to that, I was and am my own worst critic. There were days where I’ve been so frustrated and angry at having the body I have, because often times, I focused on what others had to say about it. The negativity, the judgements and obliviousness of others not realizing how cruel they could be with their words. But at the end of the day, I was always the one to blame for my source of unhappiness with it. I never made my own efforts to change the things I could and I constantly brought myself down. my worst mistake though, was me believing the things that were said to me. I fed into the opinions of others. and I sunk… deep. And then… I woke up.
I woke up one day and started realizing that everyone’s opinion of the body I’M blessed with, is just that… their OPINIONS! I began to appreciate myself and encourage the person I constantly felt I had to defend to others. I stopped doing that. Feeling like I had to defend myself to anyone. I started caring more about what I thought of me and virtually obliterated the well I had created of allowing other people to tell me how to feel about myself.
I stopped fearing those who didn’t like me for me and decided that if they didn’t like me for any physical attributes of mine, then they weren’t, aren’t and will never be worthy of my time and truly getting to know me! And when i did that, i started to actually see the things I loved and still love about my body. I like the shape of my body and all it’s quirks. I learned to appreciate my stretch marks because they’ve taught me that though I’m not where I want to be, I have come a long way and that is humbling. I love my arms. These are arms that have held life in them, comforted, cooked and crafted. I love my thick legs, which have gotten me everywhere I’ve been and will get me everywhere I plan to go with pride, because I can stand tall all by myself. I love my face and my smile… A perfectly imperfect blend of my parents and a compliment to who I am. And the one thing I cherish about my body… Is that it is the vessel that holds my heart. The one thing that keeps me sane, whole and humbled no matter what I’ve been through. The one thing that overrides all forms of thought of myself and others. The one thing I hold so dear. Because as broken, mistreated, disappointed, hurt and confused as it’s been… It still has the capacity to love. My body, really is my temple. And I am proud of it and always will be.”

Sometimes, the biggest miracle is a simple shift in perception.  While I think it’s unfortunate that my first example (Ms. Marchant) could not accomplish that, the fact that someone who had far more obstacles than her was able to overcome and succeed gives me (and hopefully some of you) hope.